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Thursday, February 26, 2015

Past Can Cut Through and It Might Hurt

The other day I was washing dishes--the thing was supposed to be a regular chore. Suddenly I felt a small prick in the sole of my right foot. It didn't bother me at all. You see I had seven surgeries: five on my legs and two on my arms. So pain in my limbs is a frequent guest. Few minutes later I feel my right foot is getting wet-- it felt like sweat--my other foot dry. I looked down and saw a smear of blood on the floor, around my right foot.

That same moment pain became searing. It was bad enough that I shrieked for a moment. As my fingers traveled around the sole of right foot--I felt the shard. It cut into my foot. Thank to the Lord, the thing was not entirely stuck inside. Hopping on my left foot I reached the sofa in my living room. Pain slightly subsided after I sat down, but returned as soon as I attempted to move the foot the pain returned.
It took few minutes to summon courage and to pull out the shard. My fingers were stained with the blood. The sock was saturated with blood. I pulled out the shard; took off the sock; put a band-aid (sticking plaster) on. Yes, I didn't disinfect wound. Why, because I realized that disinfection wouldn't get contaminants out. By the grace of God there was no infection, no harm.
This made me think about the past. Few days prior to that I broke a glass. I thought I took care of every shard. My past came back and literally hurt me. Meanwhile, few thoughts crossed my mind.

Past can confront you unexpectedly

It never crossed my mind that there was still a single shard left on the floor. Past can confront in form of encounters, memories, objects, sound, smell, vision, people, letter, phone calls, e-mails, and in many other ways. Encounters with past don't have to be painful, but they can leave us pleased, surprised, confused, flabbergasted, sad,angry, and many other reactions. In most cases we go back to reckon our memories. In most cases we engage emotionally.

You can never fully predict consequences of the encounter

Sometimes consequences don't depend fully upon the way you react. If you ran into a person who used to have issues with you, you honestly have no way to predict their full reaction. It is possible to pretend like nothing bad ever happened, but the chill in the air feels a bit uncomfortable.You may part on good terms, but there is that feeling of uneasiness. In some cases, it might be impossible to resolve the conflict. Remember you are not responsible for that person's reaction.
In other cases you may come across the old family picture/photo and you look at it. You realize that it was taken during your grandmother's birthday party. You look at your aunt, who smiles. Than it hits you--she passed away few moths ago. Worst part--you didn't get a chance to talk to her for the last time. The last time you talked was during your birthday. And when you said bye you couldn't imagine that it would be the last time you would ever talked to her. Both examples are from my personal experience.

Past can convict you

Suddenly you remember the things that you had done sometime ago. You feel uneasy about it. You cannot believe that you did that thing. It can be a memory of something someone done to you. It could be something you done to someone. It could be anything. This can lead from guilt trip into a guilt tap.You get caught in the cycle of guilt. That can prevent you from doing many things: trying something new, forming friendships, reaching your full potential, isolation from people who truly care about you. It can even trigger depression.

It can be much harder to get rid off the small pieces 

It's easy to see big pieces, pick them up and throw them away. Dealing with small shards requires more caution, dexterity, skills, looking around, careful examination, and thorough cleaning. In many cases it may require help of other people: family, friends, and in some cases professionals, such as doctors. Often emotional trauma can take root in your heart. When it does--it starts controlling you.
Encounters with past can leave scars.


Past can get hold of you anytime. It doesn't matter where you are. It happened to me during daytime in the middle of a crowd, and early morning while I was alone in my room. Quite often it happens when we least expect it.

What shall I do?

Often people sweep it under the rug. "So I ran into them. It was nothing," we all heard that. You may never see the person who wronged you ever again, but there will be others. Is it worth to look over your shoulder hoping that you'll ever see those people or that person. They might not even remember you. The Lord tells us to forgive our enemies. He never says it's an easy task. We'll most likely struggle with it, but bitterness--whether towards person or situation-- will destroy our lives eventually. Past will come for a visit from time to time, but it doesn't have to be the master of present and own the future.

Ephesians 4:31  Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.

But Jesus said to him, “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62)
The main reason of letting go of the past, or taking care of it, it will make us fit followers of Christ. 
the piece was very tiny




  1. Dear Irina, I was so deeply impressed by this post that I immediately went to Jessica's blog and shared with her about your post.

    Your insight about how to deal with our past wounds really helped me because I often struggle with a sense of guilt and shame. I tell myself over and over again that "The Cloth of Righteousness of Christ is on you. Nobody can be guilt-free in front of God without this Cloth. Now believe it, Kinuko! Believe His promise that Jesus became my Righteousness."

    I could relate many of your sayings. Thank you so much for sharing your deep part with us. You are constantly in my prayers and in my heart. with love, Kinuko

  2. Dear Kinuko, thank you for your encouragement. I keep you in my prayers everyday. I am so glad that you find my posts helpful. May all glory go to our Heavenly Father.

  3. Dear Irina,
    I came to your blog to tell you that you are my important sister and I cherish your teansparent, beautiful heart. Kinuko

    1. Kinuko, thank you so much for your encouragement. I am so blessed through our friendship.

  4. Dearest Irina, today, as I was praying and thinking of you, the following verse came into my heart;

    Псалом 97:11 Свет сияет на праведника, и на правых сердцем--веселие.
    (Psalm 97:11 Light is sown for the righteous, And gladness for the upright in heart.)

    This verse reminds me of you, Irina! His light is sown for you and gladness for your heart! May our Lord Jesus Christ fill your heart and soul with gladness.


  5. Dear Irina, good morning! I came to deliver good news to you. Do you remember that Japanese lady who had problem with her non-Christian husband? Thanks to your wide advice and your prayers, God did His awesome work! She wrote to me a few days ago, testifying that her relationship with her husband has greatly and amazingly improved! She humbly repented that she had exercised authority over him and then the great blessings have flown into their lives now! She really gave thanks to you and said "thank you so much for your prayers and support. I felt the power of prayers!"

    Irina, if you have a message to this Japanese sister, please write to me. I will translate it into Japanese and deliver it to her. with Christian love, Kinuko

  6. Dear Kinuko, thank you so much for your comments, especially last two comments. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to reply earlier. This week have been extremely busy. I'll write the letter next week. I surely have a message for the Japanese Sister.
    Kinuko, would you like me to leave it as a comment or send you an e-mail. My e-mail is Feel free to pass it to Sanae as well.
    In Christ,

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  8. Dear Irina,

    How are you? I pray that our compassionate High Priest always touch your heart and keep you in the safe place. May God shine His light through you evermore! Kinuko

    1. Dear Kinuko,
      I am working on my latest blog article, it should appear within net two days.