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Friday, August 12, 2016

Gracious God (Dropping Out)

I tried my hardest not to give up. I didn’t want to drop out of school in the middle of the program. Last semester went so well. That winter semester started well. I was on top of the world.
It all started going downhill in February. At first, I became overwhelmed with school work. I remember getting an assignment back. The grade was 3/10-30%. After that, I was failing most of my classes. I became emotionally overwhelmed and started skipping classes.

My pride kicked in. I should have dropped those classes. I was failing. I didn’t. When people, especially my church family, were asking me about my life I would say that it was all right. Pride creates the false image. Pride makes you lie. You want to maintain the image in front of people, whatever image it may be.
Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me – Ps55:5 NASB

Many people in the church complimented me on my strength. Little did they know that behind the strong façade was the wreck. I kept smiling. Sometimes I said that I was tired, but nothing more.
I failed three out of six courses. The Lord was gracious. I was able to get a note from the university counseling center which allowed me to drop off those courses. There was no fail on my transcript. I couldn’t continue the program. I dropped out.

At the time, it looked like a defeat. I left my dream of becoming an environmental specialist behind. I was not going back to finish the program. How could I when I wasn’t able to pass even the smallest lab reports. Our Good is so wise. Sometimes, when the road was not meant for us, He will let us  walk until we are crushed and can’t continue down that way.
With Him are wisdom and might; to Him belong counsel and understanding Job 12:13 NASB
My dream was buried under the rubble of personal and emotional problems. I became more focused on the Lord. I became more involved with my church. My heart became settled.

Our God is the God of wonders. Just because you are not ready to take the call doesn’t mean he wouldn’t call you out. Two and a half years after I dropped out the Lord called me back to finish the same program. At first, I was shocked. Lord, how can you call me to this when you asked me to leave? I told everyone that I wasn’t coming back.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. Isa 55:8 NASB  
My biggest reason for the fight was my pride. When I left the school, I didn’t say anything to my instructors. I just stopped coming to classes and labs. All of my communication was done through the Office of Student Affairs. I thought that I will never see those people again. I was so wrong.

When I contacted the office, they were nice to me. Nobody brought up the past issues. The hardest part was to call the program chair. I was relieved when the call went to an answering machine. It took us several tries to reach one another. Finally, when it happened I felt nervous and relieved.
God is our refuge and strength.—Ps 46:1 NASB
Apologies were pouring out throughout the entire conversation. “Don’t worry about it,” she kept saying.

Several months later I was completing my program. By the grace of the Lord, my grades became even better that a few years ago.

We can close the door, but the Lord can reopen it. How often we try to rush the things? The Lord gives us certain things at the certain time. He knows what is going on behind the scene. His plan is the best. The Lord is always the same. He never changes.

 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Heb. 13:8 NASB
My Bible is on top of the school work and above the mess. We need to put the Lord above all.



  1. As you know,recently I got to know severe changes about evangelism in your home country Russia. The meaning of that God allowed you to come to North America(Canada,USA)is not little,I think.

    May your life be always with God,be testimony and encouragement to your loving people,and those who read your articles. I think that God give you mission work also in Canada.


  2. Thank you for your encouragement Sanae. Your comments always encourage me. You are doing an amazing job.